I promised I would write with an update on symptoms. The symptom is…there are no symptoms. Its like I am dating again. All of these questions with no answers. Waiting….am I going to get period? Do I feel faint? Am I peeing a lot? So the word to the un-mother is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The baby doesn’t call, doesn’t love, and doesn’t write if it is even there! I did spend a little time today trying to figure out when I should start pregnancy testing. As with any cycle challenged person that is about as easy to figure out as anything else. According to my shortest cycle it could be Tuesday or Friday of next week. Again- why isn’t there an app for this? I found out today that my husband is going to be going on a business trip on Thursday and Friday of next week so I will be alone with my pregnancy test! Should I wait until he gets back? Or will my psychosis convince me to take it sooner? What does clo think about all of this?
I of course have been researching some of the signs of early pregnancy. Bloating- check- but isn’t that always a check? Swollen breast? Depends on which bra I am wearing so nothing new there. Peeing a lot? Uh….I don’t know how much I normally pee in the day. Note to self- start a pee journal?? Change in nipple color? Well since it is 90 degrees out I have been spray tanning and that alone makes for a strange nipple color. Clearly it is too soon to tell. Or, maybe the baby is just not that in to me yet.
So what has changed for me is my voice. Not the actual sound, but my desire to talk. For some reason I feel compelled to talk about this with anyone. I feel like I will tell anyone anything. The other day on a con-call with my Mom and Sister in law, I or maybe clo- decided to let it all hang out. I told the whole story. And guess what? I got a few laugh and it made it easier. Other than my writing and talking with my husband/the wall I haven’t really told anyone that we started clomid nor talked about my experience. My SIL (sisiter in law) was awesome and totally got it. I am so lucky that I have her to talk to. She and I have different view points on a lot of things, but are pretty even keeled when it comes to these things and I totally value her opinion. She is probably more relaxed than I but for the most part we are pretty copasetic. I would love to hear from someone who is where I am at. I know there has to be someone in my same boat but I just don’t know where to find her!
Another thing my hubby and I focus on a lot is names. I don’t think it is a jinx that we talk about it this early. We have always agreed on a boy name. Vincent, after his grandfather but for some reason we have never agreed on a girl name. I love girl names that he hates. Maybe this is a sign that we will have all girls since we won’t be able to agree on a name. I want something beautiful and unique. Last month we liked Sophia but found that it was one of the most popular names in 2010. Should I even be thinking about names? Some people don’t decide until they have their baby, and even after. My mom gave me one name- Deborah- and then my dad came to the hospital and hated it and changed it. When is the right time to think of names? So here it is, we like this week….Gia or in the long version- Giovanna. If it is Gia- and she is here already as some fluids mixed in my belly, we love you Gia!