What to Expect When You are Not Expecting

My adventure of getting pregnant over 35 starting with clomid

Craving a craving! August 4, 2010

According to both my iphone apps (Sprout and What to Expect) I have officially entered my second trimester and my baby is the size of a lemon. Aren’t lemons smaller than peaches? Did my baby shrink this week? Is my pregnancy a lemon? I am going to just assume that they were referring to a smallish peach and a large lemon and that my baby is still growing strong! The books say that this is the time where I should start showing and have cravings.  It is also said that my morning sickness should be subsiding.  Wrong.  I must admit I am rather jealous of all the other PL’s out there who are getting cravings. Why can’t I have a craving? Is it so wrong to want a craving? I was reading some other blogs and everyone else seems to be past the morning sickness point and interested in food. I seriously could not name a single food that sounds good to me. I am still pretty nauseous and when I am hungry and I make myself eat snacks but find them barely palatable. Food is not my friend and so unappetizing. If I wasn’t terrified of feeling awful and starving my baby I would have no desire to eat- but love of the bebe prevails and so it is I have a snack. No wonder I haven’t gained much weight yet- secretly thrilled by this but also perplexed.

It’s funny I don’t really look very pregnant either. I look bloated and maybe a little chunky (awesome)  but not pregnant. I haven’t met a pair of pants that doesn’t still fit me. This is a good thing because I am sure the day they don’t fit will suck but not there yet. Let’s hope it holds off until fall when I can rock a nice legging! I wouldn’t even dream of entering a maternity store- yes I have an aversion to them- but really I don’t need maternity clothes and when my Mom was here this weekend she kept pressing my dresses in looking for a bump. I am by no means complaining on this regard but the morning sickness seriously needs to stop already. Take the sickness and give me the bump and the cravings stat! I have accepted the fact that I will feel like crap when I first get out of bed in the morning. I reassure myself all morning long that if I can get through getting ready I can sit in the car and rest for a bit. Seriously my ride to work is now my reward. What would I do without hubby who makes sure I have breakfast every morning and drives to work while I rest? A quick shout out to my love for that! I try to reward him by wearing low cut tops at home- he actually told me last night that my boobs look like a porn star. If he brings home dinner tonight perhaps I can reward him with a push- up bra!

Speaking of bras- any suggestion on a buying schedule for when you are pregnant. Do they make convertible bras that can stay through a few sizes? I need to look into this more. As for the morning sickness I have faith that it will subside someday soon and will continue my quest for a desirable meal. You know what they say….when life gives you lemons make lemonade and that is just what I intend to do.

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You only lose what you give away July 14, 2010

This week has been kind of ho hum on the pregnancy department.  Nothing new to report.  I have been feeling the same, a little naush, and tired.  I tried to go to an outdoor street fair/concert with my hubby this weekend and that was a joke.  All the smoke was enough to make me sick.  I hated it.  It is funny smoke really bothers me a lot now and I find it revolting.   If you knew me you would think that was funny because although I really have never been a regular smoker-  I loved smoking when I had a few cocktails.   It is a vile and unhealthy habit and I really hope that my disdain carries over after I have the baby.  Hubbie and I were chatting about how I don’t really have any cravings and the things I like to eat haven’t changed at all.  Maybe that comes later.   If anything I find more things unappealing and what sounds good to me is very limited.   For example I am addicted to making homemade Crispix mix.  I also cannot go a day without eating fresh fruit.   I feel pretty good about what I have been eating but haven’t been great about exercise.   I do get out for a bit in the afternoon at work for a walk but that is not enough.   I need to get back to doing my yoga.   I haven’t had a much weight gain yet so I feel good about that.  I am so nervous about putting on too much weight.  I watch a few reality shows as a guilty pleasure and on this weeks episode of Kourtney and Khloe take Miami I totally understood where Kourtney was coming from.  I couldn’t imagine the pressure to get into a bikini that soon after having a baby.  She knows she obviously went overboard but I liked her determination to get back into shape.  Hopefully, Bethany Frankel will let the cameras role on how she bounced back.   One thing they both have going from them is that they were in great shape before getting pregnant and there muscle memory helps get them in shape quicker.  I wasn’t in the best shape when I got pregnant so I know that I will have a harder road so I amm making sure to not use this pregnancy as an excuse to go crazy on food.  Because I didn’t start out rail thin- the doctor told me I don’t need to gain as much weight.  .  Kourtney I read put on over 40lb so that is a lot to lose! Hopefully I can keep this weight gain healthy and bounce back afterwards!

Has anyone found that during pregnancy they feel particularly philosophical?   If you knew me as a person I am hard on other people but even harder on myself.   I hold people to high standards and am known to obsess about things.   As bad as I can be with others I am the worst with myself.  This is something that I work on all the time and feel like I have gotten a lot better at letting things go.   I was thinking about where I am at in life and where I want to be and setting a great example for my children.  I feel great about the person I am today but for some reason I am so critical of myself and started thinking about stupid mistakes that I made growing up.   Stupid stuff.  I was never arrested or involved in anything majorly wrong but liked to party a lot and probably didn’t make some of the best decisions and for some reason sometimes I really beat myself up over it.  I mean it is crazy who didn’t make poor choices at one time for another?   Why do I dwell on this?  Clearly it has had no impact on my ability to be successful in life.  I know that I need to stop thinking like this because everybody makes mistakes and I didn’t do anything worse than anyone else.  I am obviously neurotic.  Mistakes make us who we are and we learn a lot about life through them.  My children will be lucky that I have had so many experiences to draw from because it will enable me to give them great advice!  My take away on this is that the only things in life that you lose are what you give away.  So own it!   Still working on acceptance!  Anyone else getting philosophical?   Any life lessons?