What to Expect When You are Not Expecting

My adventure of getting pregnant over 35 starting with clomid

Livin La Vida Legging September 9, 2010

Eighteen weeks three days and how many hours…Another good day on the books!  Allergies are still hanging around but I swear the neti pot and my Himalayan Salt Lamps are helping tremendously!  The weather has changed to fall and I couldn’t be more excited!  Fall just might be my favorite time of the year.   The foliage is so beautiful and the weather in Chicago is wonderful which makes for amazing fashion.  I am living la vida leggings lately and loving it!  I got my shipment form bloomies yesterday and found a few successful pieces which I am beyond excited about.  Mainly I ordered a couple of dolman sleeve dresses that are beyond perfect with leggings.  Because I am 5’9 a lot of “dresses” these days tend to be on the short side and work perfectly with a pair of leggings.  The dolman sleeves make a lot of room in the tummy region so accommodating to the bump.   I tried these little numbers on and shoved a throw pillow underneath and am thinking these are going to work for awhile – yay!  Could that be more exciting?

Unfortunately my shopping high came to a swift halt after a lovely conversation with my mother – go figure.   She lives in Ohio and I moved to Chicago almost fifteen years ago and you would think she would be over it….but she’s not!   I seriously cannot get through a conversation without a snide remark from her about how her grandchild won’t know her.  My personal favorite is was when I was asking her about cribs last night she made all these snide remarks about how she doesn’t know what cribs are like in Chicago.  Seriously?  Is there a special manufacturer that only makes cribs for people in Chicago?  I kept telling her we have all the same stores for babies that she does because they are chains and even those that aren’t sell pretty much the same stuff-  she wanted no part of it.  I also mentioned that it might be nice to get a convertible crib with matching furniture that the baby will be able to use for awhile – apparently I couldn’t be more wrong in my thinking and no one in Ohio does it that way.   People buy one crib and then get a bed and other furniture after they are done with the nursery.  I also should be wearing maternity clothes instead of trying to get away without wearing them because that is what people in Ohio do. Is there an opposite of wind beneath my wings? Like I care what my cousins that I never talk to do!  Note to self do not punish the baby for the rest of his/her life if he/she decides to move out of town!

On another note has anyone researched or participated in activities that allegedly help your baby become smarter?   We have been listening to classical music during the commute back to work.   I recognize that a lot of the studies surrounding classical music have come out bunk.  I just figure that it is better than my baby recognizing Howard Stern’s voice!  I did read that DHA is apparently very important during the last trimester as that is when all the brain and retina development happens rapidly.  Check- in my PNV!  Apparently- eating proteins and specifically eggs helps as well.   Gives new meaning to the word egghead does it not?  Luckily I start every weekday morning with an egg or two so got that one covered as well.  I also read that there is a correlation to morning sickness and baby brilliance.  Because morning sickness is caused by the surge in pregnancy hormones the theory is the stronger the surge- the better the development.  So to all the ladies out there worshipping the porcelain gods out there- you might just be taking one for the team and growing that intelligent baby!  Any other suggestions out there on how to mother the next Einstein or Bill Gates?


Kick it up a notch! September 8, 2010

Hi fellow pregos- how is your week going?   Mine not so bad!   I am feeling pretty good today and last night was actually able to do stuff when I got home from work-  a miracle-  I normally crash on the couch and can only muster up enough energy to make dinner -if that.   I went through my closet last night and bid my pants adieu!  So long suckers!  I also put away all my skirts and tops that just aren’t going to happen for me anymore.  Kinda of hated it- kinda loved it.  Now I have a good idea of what is available to me right now- and it isn’t so bad.  I will be putting a lot of stuff on ebay this week though since I likely won’t be wearing any of these clothes for a long while and have no idea what will fit me-  I feel the urge to purge!

Do any of you have pets?   My husband is convinced that my dogs know that I am expecting.  My little one likes to nestle on my stomach and the big one seems to be by my side a lot more these days.  My thoughts are that it is because I have been home so much more now but he thinks otherwise….thoughts?  Do pets have an intuition?  We have two family rooms in our house which are pretty much his and hers.  Mainly because I fill the Tivo with my trash reality TV shows and need a place to watch them in private. The doggies usually join me there even when hubby is home. It is the only room in the house that our Bernese Mountain Dog  is allowed on the couch and when I am not in fetal position sometimes he joins me with his head on my lap.  I am sure this is not helping my allergies but I can’t resist he is amazingly sweet and it is wondy!  Last night hubby came up for one of our shared programs-  Chopped- (who doesn’t’ love that show?) I told him I would take the chaise so he could experience the couch love with our Berner.  I am still laughing at what transpired.  Hubby, who I might add is 6’4, was crouched in the corner of the couch leaving all the room for our dog excitedly ready to sit with him.  The dog wanted no part of it and kept jumping down to lay on the floor by me.  Since the Berner is his dog- hubby was just sitting there all looking sad so he got up and grabbed my Havanese and had him lay on the couch with him.  Oh the games we play!

Speaking of playing- I don’t’ feel like my baby is doing much of it.  I don’t know if it is because this is my first go around but I am just not getting the fluttering sensation very often…is this a cause for concern- or do I just not recognize what it feels like?   I am 18 weeks and 2 days and am not feeling a lot of movement.  This baby needs to kick it up a notch!  What I do feel is like myorgans need to rearrange all the time and when I stand up I almost feel like motion sickness or something for a sec.  I call it my body getting re-organ-ized.  Is that the baby moving?  I read that it can also be mistaken for feeling of hunger.  I do feel like I am starving in the morning I did tell hubby last night after eating dinner that I still felt hungry- was that really my baby moving to thank me for a delicious meal- or me subconsciously coming up with a reason to eat a piece of the AMAZING banana cake my MIL made me?  I might add-  I am feeling some hunger right now- Should I be getting a kick out of this?


Sucksville Population Me? August 18, 2010

Can I just say I am getting a little excited here?  I have never really been a baby person before but now I see the pictures and I think how cute and it makes me so excited that I will be having one!  Now I am starting to think about strollers, and cribs, and car seats oh my!  So many options and I have less than six months to decide.   Not to mention my fall/winter pregnancy wardrobe to consider.   So much to do!   My “morning sickness” seems to be mostly gone but I am now plagued with these horrible headaches.  Not helpful.  I know there has to be something triggering them and I just can’t figure it out.   They range from low grade to horrible and I have days where I don’t have one at all.   I will definitely be discussing these with my doctor next week but think it could be any number of things.  Sleep and stress to name a few.   I had a terrible couple of days when my husband was out of town.   His dad had emergency surgery so I was home by myself.   Since the police incident I am not going to lie, I get scared when I am home alone.  Even with my alarm on and 95lb dog by my side I still am afraid and have a hard time sleeping.   Reasons for headache?  Yes!  Last night my little dog decided to wake us up to go out around 4 a.m. and I couldn’t get back to sleep very well after that-  Reason for headache-  I think so!  Couple those with normal work/family stress and barking dogs and I doubt I should be alarmed- just incapacitated.  I think I may have found a rather delightful cure though- I am going in for one now.   Ghirardelli Dark and Carmel Squares.   Have you ever tried them?  OMG-They are almost orgasmic- so delicious and I swear they seem to bring down the headache pain.  Love!   I only have one or two though – gotta keep that caffeine down!

I just read an article where someone four months pregnant knew the sex of their baby.   Hello- I will be four months next week and as far as I know that is not on the roster for the next doctor’s appointment.   She told us we would find out at 20 weeks.   WTF?  I want to know the sex of my baby stat.  Any ideas on how to accomplish this?  Why should I have to wait an extra month?  How far along are most people when they find out the sex of their baby?     What did the sixteen weekers do to find out early?   Any advice is beyond welcome!  I am thinking I need an ultrasound…. we got amazing results back from our genetic screening so I doubt they will want to do anything further-so can I ask for an ultrasound?  I think I just might have to.  A little more n the genetic results –  when we started out our odds were something like 1-156 and now are at like 1-3,000-  the same as the odds of a twenty year old mother-  how fabulous is that?  I am feeling younger by the minute and the baby aced its first test!  How about that- hopefully the first of many!  Might I also add that my headache is gone right now?   Love you squares!

Ok so on to some important things- pregnancy fall wardrobe!  I am thinking ponchos, leggings and riding boots will be my staples.  I already got a pair of super cute over the knee tan riding boots and am stalking a few ponchos online for a sale.   I swear – it literally pains me to pay full price for things.  It must be something in my DNA but I always feel like if I am a good shopper I can get what I want when it is on sale and if I get things on sale- it is ok to buy more.  Sick and twisted I know but that is how I do.  I actually made a spreadsheet of what my staples are going to be.  I have never done this in all of my years but find that I often buy things I don’t love and ultimately never wear them- I am focusing on the love right now and hoping the research will pay off!  I am actually excited to try to pull off pregnancy sheik!  I also ordered some new all natural hair products today and report immediately once of I have a chance to use them.  I am hoping that since my pregnancy has been sucksville population me so far the fall will be the dawn of pregnant and fabulous- my new boots- ponchos and amazing skin and hair.   BTW my Ally is almost entirely gone now – can you say Simply Divine?


Craving a craving! August 4, 2010

According to both my iphone apps (Sprout and What to Expect) I have officially entered my second trimester and my baby is the size of a lemon. Aren’t lemons smaller than peaches? Did my baby shrink this week? Is my pregnancy a lemon? I am going to just assume that they were referring to a smallish peach and a large lemon and that my baby is still growing strong! The books say that this is the time where I should start showing and have cravings.  It is also said that my morning sickness should be subsiding.  Wrong.  I must admit I am rather jealous of all the other PL’s out there who are getting cravings. Why can’t I have a craving? Is it so wrong to want a craving? I was reading some other blogs and everyone else seems to be past the morning sickness point and interested in food. I seriously could not name a single food that sounds good to me. I am still pretty nauseous and when I am hungry and I make myself eat snacks but find them barely palatable. Food is not my friend and so unappetizing. If I wasn’t terrified of feeling awful and starving my baby I would have no desire to eat- but love of the bebe prevails and so it is I have a snack. No wonder I haven’t gained much weight yet- secretly thrilled by this but also perplexed.

It’s funny I don’t really look very pregnant either. I look bloated and maybe a little chunky (awesome)  but not pregnant. I haven’t met a pair of pants that doesn’t still fit me. This is a good thing because I am sure the day they don’t fit will suck but not there yet. Let’s hope it holds off until fall when I can rock a nice legging! I wouldn’t even dream of entering a maternity store- yes I have an aversion to them- but really I don’t need maternity clothes and when my Mom was here this weekend she kept pressing my dresses in looking for a bump. I am by no means complaining on this regard but the morning sickness seriously needs to stop already. Take the sickness and give me the bump and the cravings stat! I have accepted the fact that I will feel like crap when I first get out of bed in the morning. I reassure myself all morning long that if I can get through getting ready I can sit in the car and rest for a bit. Seriously my ride to work is now my reward. What would I do without hubby who makes sure I have breakfast every morning and drives to work while I rest? A quick shout out to my love for that! I try to reward him by wearing low cut tops at home- he actually told me last night that my boobs look like a porn star. If he brings home dinner tonight perhaps I can reward him with a push- up bra!

Speaking of bras- any suggestion on a buying schedule for when you are pregnant. Do they make convertible bras that can stay through a few sizes? I need to look into this more. As for the morning sickness I have faith that it will subside someday soon and will continue my quest for a desirable meal. You know what they say….when life gives you lemons make lemonade and that is just what I intend to do.


I will survive! July 20, 2010

Is it me or does pregnancy seem like it happens in slow motion?   I mean you find out that you are pregnant your all excited and then you wait.  I am not even three months in and I already feel like this is taking forever.   I want action!  Can I be a Debbie downer for a second and have a little fun with this?  Is there really anything enjoyable about pregnancy?  I have been looking for the positive in this process but other than the amazing miracle of life growing inside, I can’t come up with anything and even that seems to get lost in the day to day minutia.  Anyone?   I am just not seeing it!  Magical time my ass!  There are no perks-   I can’t eat with reckless abandon because I am too concerned about what I am feeding the baby.   I am also worried about gaining too much weight and let’s not even talk about all the items that I am not allowed to eat- like the soft boiled egg I have been craving!  It’s funny but most food doesn’t even sound appetizing except the things I cannot have.  It is a joke to try and plan a weeks worth of meals when what sounds ok one day can make me want to hurl the next.  Last night I made steak fajitas for dinner- they sounded good when I marinated them the day before- and I couldn’t even eat them because I found them revolting -yet in thinking about them right now I could eat one- what is this all about?

Don’t even get me started on the non-stop exhaustion and forgetfulness.   I am so off my game lately- absent minded and out of sorts it’s a wonder I can keep it together at work.  I mean I am a normally a very detail oriented person but I find myself doing the silliest things.  Like for example the time I salted the black olives that I was serving for dinner when I meant to salt the tomatoes.  I also am normally obsessive about checking food labels for freshness and found that I put lemon juice that was expired in my water. Sick.  I almost sliced my hand open when cutting the inside of an avocado- what is up with that I am usually pretty adept with the cutlery. All in a day’s pregnancy work- so not my normal self.  Hubby told me he is about to ban me from the kitchen for fear I will hurt myself – which is huge considering how much he loves my cooking. See no joy here.  Oh wait, I did have a bowl of homemade pop corn the other night with melted butter-  it was amazing but of course I felt bad after eating it because I didn’t think it was a “healthy” snack for the baby and made myself eat something more healthy later which I thoroughly did not enjoy.  Will I ever actually enjoy guilt free meal again?   Are there any PL’s out there that have mastered this?  Please sensei tell me your secrets!

As if missing out on my love of food wasn’t enough there are also the activities…. I would love to go to Lollapalloza but since the street fair was such a disaster for me I can’t imagine enduring the crowd, heat, and smoke again so while all my friends are dancing to Lady Gaga I’ll probably be at home on the couch eating a bowl of popcorn and feeling bad about it.  Talk about caught in a bad romance!  Sucky.   Then you have shopping- a past time that once could bring light into my darkest days.  Now- not so much.   I can’t wear any of the cute clothes, I have to find styles that aren’t fitted and because my boobs are so enormous I need to go a size up in a lot of clothes  and then they don’t fit me right in other places.  I either look like a heifer in clothes that are too tight or a slouch in a potato sack- I can’t win!  Who wants to spend money on that?  I used to love the way I felt in a great outfit and now its kinda meh-  is this killing my inner fashionista softly?  It can’t be!  I love her!  The books say that I am going to start showing soon so I don’t even know what will look good in a few weeks and can’t even anticipate what I will need.  I already splurged on “preggy” handbags this season so I kind of feel like I need to hold off on any of those until fall.  I am trying to get some fashion inspiration but I think I am going to basically just be a black bitch with great accessories and bags, and by black bitch I mean someone that wears primarily black clothing.  A very Goth pregnancy! Or better yet I can channel Heart circa 1975. Its like I am a PL tweener stuck somewhere in between my pregnant self and my old self.  Maybe I need to look for a pregnant style icon. I think I will watch the season of Sex and the City where Carrie was pregnant in real life and see if I can pick up on any tips or I may never achieve pregnant and fabulous?

Now having said all of this I realize how lucky I am to feel like crap 24/7.  There are many woman out there trying to get pregnant that would tell me to get over it- I should know, I was one of them.  I am sure that it could be argued that I have no business complaining and that I should suck up and just enjoy the fact that I am pregnant.   Well I say boo to that.  I am grateful to be pregnant but it doesn’t change the fact that I haven’t had a day in three months without exhaustion or morning sickness.  I know it could be worse and I could be vomiting everyday but I am taking a stand for the pregnant women community- why should we suffer in silence?  We need to vent!  We’re hear we’re sick get used to it! This isn’t the 1950’s anymore we don’t need to suffer in silence- Where is the PL girl power?  I am not a martyr!  This is not fun it plain sucks. There is a reason men don’t get pregnant- I really don’t think they could handle it-but I will endure!  So tonight in solidarity to all the suffering PL’s out there I will bid my misery adieu and am going home to dance around the house while blaring my new pregnancy anthem:   “I will survive”- care to join me?


Good bye belt- Hello Blazer! July 10, 2010

So I have been to wimpy to get the stach waxed yet.   I think tomorrow is the day!  I am getting a massage and facial and figure what the heck why not add it in.    It has been a pretty busy week work wise and since I have been feeling pretty good not a lot of down time.  My morning sickness has been sporadic and limited and not too severe at all.  I am just more tired than I used to be.   I spent some time this week going through my closet.   A few of my wardrobe favorites are sadly no longer on the roster.   My fitted dresses are too tight in the boobs and I feel like my mid section is so bloated it doesn’t look good.  I haven’t really gained much if any weight yet so not sure what this is all about but I can say good bye belts- hello blazers!  Its kind of like growing out your bangs.   I am in this in between stage.  Not yet showing but still bloating!  Once I have the preggers belly I will have no problem with form fitting clothes because it is so obvious that you are preggers but right now I just look like I have a gut and big boobs-  not hot.   Maybe I should just forget about it and go full on white trash and wear some short shorts and let it all hang out!  Not- I am instead camouflaging this by wearing loose fitting clothes and think that blazers are a miracle.   Thank the good lord they are so in style.   Like most working women, I have four different wardrobes that must needed a  preggers overhaul:

  • The work wardrobe.  During the summer I wear a lot of wrap dresses or fitted dresses and heels.   I am not feeling those at all right now so in order to stay professional and feel good about myself I have found that strait or shift dresses with a blazer and a statement necklace are the way to go.   Good bye DVF wrap dresses for now.  I bought a couple of really cute shift dresses one is black with sequins and the other is white but ruffled at the bottom super cute popping out of a blazer!.  These are my two faves because they can go from work to out to dinner and still look great!  Pants also are a non-issue so I can wear those with a loose fitted top and blazer as well.   Always with some great jewelry and a pair of heels.   I never leave home without a pair of cute flip flops stashed in my bag in case I have the opportunity to walk.
  • The at home after work wardrobe.  This consists of leggings or sweat pants and a comfy over sized top.   In the summer a super casual T-shirt Dress is also great on those hot nights.  I love to have cute lounge wear and try not to look like a Hague even when I feel like one.  Sometimes I even grab one of hubbies tops which can look cute like a dress or over some leggings.  Slouchy and soft.  Plus he loves it when I wear his clothes.  I haven’t had to make any adjustments to this wardrobe yet and am thinking I might be able to go through the whole pregnancy with what I have.  Score!
  • The running errands going to a casual bbq wardrobe.  You never know who you might run into so I never leave the house without feeling pulled together.   For me a maxi-dress or shirt dress with some flat sandals is my uniform.  I throw on a stack of bangles and I am out the door.   This is the best part of the preggy wardrobe.  I get to feel stylish and oh so comfortable.   I love the Gypsy05 maxi dresses especially and have been obsessed with Grayce by Molly Sims jewelry.  It can dress up the most boring outfit! Note- ordered a size up in a couple maxis thinking I might want the room and I really didn’t need it.  Another score!
  • Going out wardrobe.  When hubby and I go out on the town or for a dinner with the girls I like to bling it on.  I bought the peach Halston Heritage Dress that Carrie wore in Sex and the City 2 and let me tell you it is fabulous for the pretty bi-otch.  I saw another one pop up on ebay in blue and am thinking I might need it.  It is that comfy and so cute and let me tell you NOTHING shows in that dress! I think it will be great for a September wedding I am going to and if I get the blue one that can go into winter.     I also picked up a couple dressier maxi-dresses and am liking the strapless styles that have some draping in the front.   I just ordered a gorgeous Cut 25 dress from Intermix that I think is going to work fab with some of my new jewels for a cocktail party I have to go to! Love- see you can be pregnant and fabulous!

How long do you think I can make it without going full on maternity?  I think if I stick to lose fitting style I can go a long way without entering the dreaded maternity store- I don’t know why but I have a maternity store aversion.   They just seem awful to me for some reason and I know they have come a long way and have some really cute styles but I digress.  I have a girlfriend who never bought any maternity clothes-has anyone else?